Tuesday, March 1, 2011

(new category): Engineer Jokes!

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'

The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.'

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be .

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, 'What's with these people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!'

The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!'
The priest said, 'Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.'

'Hi George, what's the matter that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The green keeper replied, 'Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight..'

The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between and ?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Civil Engineers
Mechanical Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

Normal people ... believe that if it isn't broken, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it isn't broken, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess; I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'

The engineer said, 'Look. I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.
One day, an engineer was crossing a road when a frog called out to him and said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess'.
The doctor said, 'Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything he can do for them.'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'

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